Sunday, August 05, 2012

EDINBURGH FESTIVAL : WEEK 1


EDINBURGH FESTIVAL : THINGS I’VE LEARNT IN WEEK 1

Anyone who uses the phrase “Standup comedy is the new “Rock’n’Roll” is a complete f**cking wanker.

The show you start with and the show you end with are two different beasts.

The only people who make money at The Festival are Promoters, PR Agents and Umbrella salesmen.

No matter how much you promise yourself “you’re not going to spend the whole Fringe drinking”, you WILL spend the whole Fringe drinking. Accept it and move on.

No matter how much you promise yourself “you’re not going to spend the whole Fringe eating deep fried food”, you WILL spend the whole Fringe eating deep friend food. Accept it and move on.

Everything has to be checked, and re-checked, and re-checked. Don’t expect anyone at any venue to know how to do their job.

American comedians have no idea how much stronger the beer is in Britain, compared to the beer in America. Use this piece of knowledge and have a LOT of fun.

American comedians will be sick and/or collapse after 6 pints of Kronenbourg. Use this piece of knowledge and have a LOT of fun.

If 200 people are laughing but 1 person is scowling - that’s the 1 person the performer will see. That 1 scowling person will freak the performer out. That 1 scowling person will make the performer forget the 200 people laughing and think the show is going badly. Use this piece of knowledge and have a LOT of fun.

1,000’s of trees are cut down and turned into leaflets. The leaflets are handed out by 3 people. To tell you about a 1-man-play. The play is usually about saving the environment. 

Comedians who claim to be “dark and edgy” are never dark or edgy. They’re usually quite bland, wear black clothes, and say ‘cunt’ a lot on stage.

You get what you pay for at the Free Fringe.

The young Drama students handing out flyers on The Royal Mile are full of hope and excitement and positivity... because they haven’t yet sussed out life is shit and we’re all going to die in the end.

If you need to print off a script and you’re running late, your printer will run out of ink. Always has. Always will.

Normal people will look at a poster and think “Oh, that’s a nice poster”. Neurotic comedians will look at the same poster and think “I wonder how much that cost? And who designed it?  Fuck! I should have got them to do MY posters!”

There’s a difference between being ambitious and being entitled. You’re not entitled to anything.

If you don’t have jokes, hide the fact by hugging the audience. This is sadly true.

Every comedian will do the same joke about being handed one of their OWN flyers. 

Every taxi driver has an opinion on comedy. Unfortunately.

Ignore the “Sold Out” board. It doesn’t mean the show is good, it means they give away more free tickets than anyone else.

15 minutes is NOT long enough to get one audience out, re-set the stage, and get another audience in. Venues should be taken to task for cramming so many shows into so few time slots.

But when all is said and done - this is the GREATEST ARTS FESTIVAL IN THE WORLD!!!

Get out there and enjoy it!

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