Friday, August 20, 2010

Things I Write On Twitter

Follow me at: @JoCaulfield27 (that's my name and my age!)

Remind me: what’s the difference between Biological and Non-Biological Washing Powders? Which one is edible?

I hate it when I’me driving behind someone & I blast my horn because they’re on the phone - then I realise they’ve just got big ears.

How many FATHERS FOR JUSTICE does it take to change a lightbulb? No-one knows: they don’t usually get the house.

Started drinking Irish Coffee. The perfect drink. Perfectly balanced: The Whiskey knocks you out, and the coffee wakes you back up again.

I love the way cats cross the road - ears down and just run. The Cats green cross code must go something like: ready.. steady.. Runlikefuck!

Special Brew has a website! Surely the closest a SB drinker gets to a computer is when he’s begging for change next to a Cashpoint Machine.

There's few sounds more pleasing than a small child going Wheeee! Unless you’re in a multi story car park & you looked away for 2 seconds.

Husband wants a Sony Playstation. He said "it makes the Zombies more realistic". I had to point out: they’re zombies! They’re not realistic!

Come Dine With Me combines everything we love in this country; recipes & criticising other people. I’m convinced it was devised by my Mother.

Just watched my favourite TV show "Come Dine With Me" – or as I call it "4 Puddings and a Punch Up".

Government statistic: "35% of all school kids have been bullied or threatened online." That means 65% of my emails aren’t getting through.

Good news: my brother's going to medical school. Bad news: well, he isn't - but his liver is.

I always thought my uncle Alan was a timid man who wouldn’t say Boo to a goose ... until the day we visited a farmyard.

I played Strip Poker last night. I won two pairs of trousers and a top hat.

Follow me on Twitter and be as happy as these lovely people (who were at my show last night. And probably know nothing about Twitter. And could probably sue me for using them to advertise ME!)

"We follow Jo on Twitter every day. Her Tweets make life more bareable "

"I like reading funny things that have 140 characters or less"

"We are looking at two different cameras"

No comments: