Thursday, June 17, 2010

Things I've Learnt On Tour (Part 1)

You know you’re in a bad hotel when:

Claims Direct hand out flyers in the foyer

People smuggle toiletries into the bathroom

The porter gives you a tip!

The pillows are shiny – for the wrong reasons

“As seen on tv” means “Holidays From Hell”

The spyhole on the door looks in!

The sheets are so gritty you exfoliate as you sleep

You don’t have to bother with a 7am wake up call, just wait for the fire alarm

The only thing left for you on the pillow when you arrive is someone else’s pubic hair

You’re in Dartford

You know you’re in the “New Money” Part of Town when:

Golden retrievers are compulsory

It’s a brand new estate – with new roads and landscaped gardens, but everyone drives a Range Rover!

The Big Issue seller takes credit cards

The Church becomes a Wi-Fi hotspot!

They think ‘Footballers Wives’ is a documentary

They have billboards advertising moisturiser for men! Where I live, the nearest a man gets to applying face cream is trying to suck his own cock!

You know you’re at a bad Motorway Service station when:

Gingsters refuse to supply it!

Even the smiley face sign outside the toilets is crying

The food gave the Churchill Dog distemper

It’s an AA meeting point – but not the car breakdown service!

Even serial killers won’t stop there for hitch-hikers

The countdown timer since when they last cleaned the toilets is a sun-dial

You actually wish you’d shat yourself back at junction 4!

No comments: