Just found some lines that didn't make it into the radio series - read them and guess why...
You know we’re in a recession when:
Sharon Osborne’s run out of hair dye
You spot Prince Charles on deal or no deal
Walkers bring out potato flavoured crisps
Easyjet start charging for lifejackets
Angelina Jolie stops adopting kids
4 poofs and a piano become 1 poof and a banjo
You know you’ve got no money when:
You visit your parents and still take your washing, and you’re 55
You get a ball of string and cotton wool buds to make your own tampons
You start going to church, just to get some wine and wafers
You go to the doctors just to nick the samples from the magazines
You have loyalty cards for Asda, Primark and Poundstretcher
Why do heavy metal fans dress like they do?
And why do rap fans dress like rappers?
Why do people dress like the music you like?
It's a problem for me because my mum likes Christina Augulera … And my dad likes Beyonce.
And whats this thing with kids hiking down their jeans and showing you their pants?
When I was a kid you’d only see my pants if you gave me a kitkat.
Don’t judge me, I know some girls who did it for a finger of fudge.