Thursday, May 08, 2008

What would JC do?

My friend Simon sent me a Christian wristband.
He did it for a joke I hasten to add. He’s not religious.
Or mental.
Anyway it’s a bright yellow plastic wristband with ‘What would JC do?” embossed on it.
Do you get it?
JC = Jesus Christ.
But it could also mean Jo Caulfield.

Look, I never said it was a funny joke! I mean, Simon’s not a professional comedian or anything. He works in telesales.

Anyway it got me thinking about a couple of Biblical stories and how I would have handled them. What would THIS JC do?

Lets take the feeding of the 5 thousand with the loaves and the fishes.
Basically, a lot of people come round unexpectedly and Jesus gave them bread and fish.
That’s just sardines on toast isn’t it?
That’s a bit shabby.
A bit council estate.

So what would THIS JC do?

Well, first off I’ve got to say I don’t think much of HIS planning. I always keep an extra pizza in my freezer for occasions such as this.

Or I might give my unexpected visitors the bread and fish but I’d do them with herbs – some lemon and dill. Or maybe rub Cajun seasoning on both sides of the fish and grill until cooked through, about 3 to 4 minutes per side. Mash up an avocado and some mayonnaise in a small bowl, and then assemble as sandwiches. Spread the avocado mixture on the bottom half of each roll. Top with the fish, arugula, tomato and onion.

And put out some olives. People love olives.

Now the other miracle people love speaking about is the whole ‘turning water in to wine’ routine. HE’S at a party, they run out of alcohol - what does JC do? HE turns the water into wine.

Not bad but what would THIS JC do?

Well, I wouldn’t piss about with wine. I turn the water into a huge crate of Bacardi Breezers – that’s a party! That’s what the people want! Rum-based alcopops! Apple, orange, pineapple, watermelon, cranberry … and all 5% proof. That’s a party.

He’s over at his side of the room with the wine and fish and bread…

I’m over at my side with the mango flavoured Bacardi Breezers, the seasoned fish on ciabatta bread, a bowl of olives – be honest, who do you think is going to pick up the most disciples?


Anonymous said...

Hey Jo,

saw the live recording of the show on BBC Radio 2 and you were so funny! Glad you've got a blog, so I can keep up with your jokes more frequently. The whole panel made me laugh and you especially, fantastic comments all the way through, thanks for the laughs!

Kirsty Loouise said...

Bah! this is awesome!