Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Can I Stop You There?


CAN I STOP YOU THERE? 
22 – 28 August, 23:15, Billiard Room, Gilded Balloon Teviot 

Stop! In the name of laughs…

They say that the compere should never interrupt the acts – award-winning comedians Jo Caulfield and Stu Murphy say ‘screw that’ as they interrupt, and interrogate some of the biggest names on the Fringe, right in the middle of their sets.

Can I Stop You There? is a new kind of comedy show – where anything that catches the imagination of the hosts is immediately up for discussion, debate or debunking. The only thing that Caulfield and Murphy won’t be stopping will be the laughs as they challenge acts to explain themselves mid-set. 

Then again, they may just stop them to ask about their shoes, the weather or whether they prefer tonic or cranberry juice with their vodka – the only thing that the acts and audience should expect is that pretty much anything can happen. And probably will. 

Can I Stop You There? makes its Fringe premiere for a strictly limited 7 night run at the Gilded Balloon Teviot. 

Guests include: Tom Stade, Stephen K. Amos, Phil Nichol, Barbara Nice, Lou Saunders, Carl Donnelly, Abi Roberts, Marcel Lucont, Gordon Southern, Sean McLoughlin, and Suzi Ruffell

For more information contact Neil Masters at comedyzoo@gmail.com





NOTES FOR EDITORS

  • Jo Caulfield is a regular guest on many TV and radio panel shows including Mock The Week, The News Quiz, Fighting Talk and The Football’s On. She has been nominated as “the best female Stand Up in the country” (Chortle.co.uk), “one of the Top 100 Comedians” (Channel 4). 


  • Stu Murphy is an award winning comedian and stalwart of the Scottish improv scene. 

Friday, August 05, 2016

Spot The Difference

Filled in a questionnaire for some Fringe magazine. I went for FUNNY and INFORMATIVE answers. My answers got a bit butchered and edited shorter when it went to print, probably due to space restrictions...? Anyway, I've put up both versions here. Which one do you prefer?

MY VERSION  

Do you remember your first impressions of Edinburgh when you came the very first time?

I’ll never forget coming out of Waverley Station in 2001 and seeing a man in full Highland dress; the kilt, the sporran, the little dagger in his socks … I was SO excited to see my first real American Tourist.

I also remember the 1st flat I stayed in. A classic Edinburgh tenement. Being a Londoner I couldn't believe the high ceilings and huge windows. But all the flats had the same odd room arrangements; a huge kitchen (a kitchen you could slaughter a cow in) and a tiny, tiny bathroom. I put it down to some sort of Calvinistic modesty. A decent Scotsman or woman shouldn't be spending time in a bathroom: get in, wash your sinful bits and then get out again quick!

Walking over North Bridge late at night and looking up to the Castle, I thought I'd never seem anything so beautiful; it was like being drunk in Fairyland.

Is there anywhere that has disappeared that you miss?

Bodos Bar, opposite The Stand Comedy Club, a perfect post-show hang out. Shona, the bar manager, played great music, and even though it was probably the biggest dive bar in the whole of beautiful Edinburgh, everyone, including the visiting comics, loved it with a passion, and I still miss it terribly.

What is your Guilty Edinburgh Pleasure?

Comic's guilty pleasure in Edinburgh are usually doing something healthy. The Victorian Swimming baths at Warrender Park Road or the Commonwealth Pool are just two of the many swimming baths I feel guilty for never having been in.

Paying extortionate prices for cocktails with a great view is more my style. I recommend The Tower on Chambers Street. Or Harvey Nichols bar, on the top floor. The ladies toilets are beside the exit lift, perfect for doing a runner before the waitress brings the check.

Ever done the staying up all night and having a pint at Penny Black's at 6am thing?

I went for dinner at my friend, comic JoJo Sutherland's house, and was still there drinking when her husband went to work at 8am the next morning.
I also met JoJo for a quick drink after my show, which turned into seeing the dawn breaking from the Loft Bar at The Gilded Balloon.
I've just realised, JoJo Sutherland is my guilty pleasure.

What do you really look forward to doing when you come up?

That view, looking down from the city to the sea and across the Forth to mountains. And it's exactly how I like my countryside, seen from the comfort of John Lewis.

For all the newbies this year ... what would you warn them about?

Avoid the Royal Mile. It’s full of young drama students handing out their leaflets. They’re all so positive and excited and full of hope. They obviously haven’t realised yet that all that awaits them in death is cold, dark emptiness forever. They have no idea we are all alone in the Universe and God doesn’t exist. Bless ‘em.

Don't read read reviews of you or your friends. They will get into your head. Just concentrate on being really 'present' when you do your show.

Things will go wrong. Posters will get lost, leaflets will have the wrong time or venue on them, your room will have sound bleed, your techie will fall asleep, shows will over run so your audience have to leave half way though to get to their next show, your flat mate will get nominated. But just remember, enjoy it. You are taking part in one of the most wonderful Arts Festival in the World. You are a comic doing comedy, and to me, that's the dream.

The size of the poster does not reflect the size of audience you can expect. It just reflects how much more more money you have spent.

If you are a newbie audience member - word of mouth, talk to people in the bars and queues, ask what they have enjoyed. See a big queue and join it, especially if it's free fringe. Go and see at least one type of performance you've never seen before. Burlesque, magic, mime, dance, sketches, opera, drama anything….

I love eavesdropping on audiences as they leave the venues …. “£12 to sit in a damp, stuffy room with no air-conditioning? And £5.10 a pint? What a f**king ripoff!”

If you ever need a break from all the wonderful comedy and theatre and dance, I like to head up to Hunter Square and indulge in a bit of people watching. It’s fantastic. Tourists, students, buskers, fire-eaters, jugglers, pickpockets, and plain-clothed policemen, all packed into one little area. It’s like a live version of Crimewatch UK.

Or go watch the crowds of pensioners leaving the Edinburgh Military Tattoo and all trying to board their coaches at the same time. It’s like an extra-long episode of Walking With Dinosaurs.

What would be in your Edinburgh Survival Kit?

Thick skin, a liver transplant and Vitamin C tablets.

Remember, it's summer but not as we know it. Last August I saw two young women walking across The Meadows. One was wearing boots, leggings and a raincoat; the other was wearing shorts, a t-shirt and sandals. I just thought, “At some point in the day, you will both be wearing the right clothing.”

Pack a raincoat and suntan lotion.

And where is in your Edinburgh Little Black Book?

Leith. All of it. 
Explore Leith Walk, Bernard Street, Constitution Street and The Shore. 
Great bars for food, atmosphere or history: The Lioness of Leith, Nobles, The Port 'o' Leith, The Central, and The Carriers Quarters.

And you must visit The Leith Dockers Club on Academy Street!!
In June I went to see a play in The Dockers Club.
The play was exceptionally good but my highlight was the pre-show announcement...
"In event of a fire, please quickly finish your drinks, take your empty glasses back to the bar, use the side exit and assemble across the road, outside the boxing club."
You don't get that at the poncy Traverse Theatre!! Dockers Club, I salute you.

I also recommend The Kenilworth on Rose Street. The last time I was there it was only after ordering my food I realised I was sat directly opposite the door to the gents toilets. Every couple of minutes another man would enter or exit giving me a clear view into the gents. Not a pretty sight when you're trying to eat. It put me straight off my plate of chipolatas.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

OK that's what I wrote. If you can be bothered reading any further, this is what was published. Why not play Spot The Difference...?
PUBLISHED VERSION
I’ll never forget coming out of Waverley Station in 2001 on my first visit to Edinburgh and seeing a man in full Highland dress – the kilt, the sporran, the little dagger in his sock… I was so excited to see my first real American tourist.
I also remember the first flat I stayed in – a classic Edinburgh tenement. Being a Londoner, I couldn’t believe the high ceilings and huge windows. But that flat, and all the others I later stayed in, all had the same odd combination of huge kitchen and tiny bathroom. I put it down to some sort of Calvinistic modesty: a decent Scot shouldn’t be spending time in a bathroom – get in, wash your sinful bits and then get out again quick!
Most of all, I remember crossing the North Bridge late at night and looking up at the castle. I thought I’d never seen anything so beautiful – it was like being drunk in Fairyland.
My Edinburgh guilty pleasure is paying extortionate prices for cocktails with a great view. I recommend The Tower on Chambers Street or the bar on the top floor of Harvey Nichols.
Edinburgh lends itself to late nights. I think my latest was when I went for dinner at the house of my friend, the comic JoJo Sutherland, and I was still there drinking when her husband went to work at eight the next morning. I also went to meet JoJo once for a quick drink after my show, which turned into seeing the dawn breaking in the Loft Bar at the Gilded Balloon. I’ve just realised – JoJo Sutherland is my guilty pleasure.
A few words of advice for anyone who’s performing at the Fringe for the first time. Avoid the Royal Mile – it’s full of drama students handing out their flyers. They’re all so positive and excited and full of hope, bless ’em. Don’t read reviews of you or your friends. Accept that things will go wrong – posters will get lost, leaflets will have the wrong time or venue on them, your room will have sound-bleed, your techie will fall asleep, shows will over-run so your audience have to leave halfway through to get to their next show, your flatmate will get nominated for an award. Just enjoy it. You’re a comic doing comedy in one of the most wonderful arts festivals in the world. That, to me, is the dream.
If you’re a newbie audience member, my advice is to use word of mouth – talk to people in bars and queues and ask what they have enjoyed. If you see a big queue, join it, especially if it’s Free Fringe. Go and see at least one type of performance you’ve never seen before – burlesque, magic, mime, dance, sketches, opera, drama, anything….
To survive Edinburgh, remember – it’s summer but not as we know it. Last August I saw two young women walking across the Meadows. One was wearing boots, leggings and a raincoat; the other  had on shorts, a T-shirt and sandals. I thought, “At some point today, you’ll both be wearing the right clothes.” So pack a raincoat and suntan lotion.
I always tell people to explore Leith. Wander down Leith Walk, Bernard Street, Constitution Street and The Shore. There are great bars for food, atmosphere and history – Lioness of Leith, Nobles, the Port o’ Leith and the Carriers Quarters. And you must visit the Leith Dockers Club on Academy Street. I saw a great play there, but my highlight was the pre-show announcement: “In the event of a fire, please quickly finish your drinks, take your empty glasses back to the bar, use the side exit and assemble across the road.” You don’t get that at the poncy Traverse Theatre! Dockers Club, I salute you.
                                                        * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
Bit different, isn't it? Bit twee. Interesting how:
"Avoid the Royal Mile. It’s full of young drama students handing out their leaflets. They’re all so positive and excited and full of hope. They obviously haven’t realised yet that all that awaits them in death is cold, dark emptiness forever. They have no idea we are all alone in the Universe and God doesn’t exist. Bless ‘em."
...was changed into: 
"Avoid the Royal Mile – it’s full of drama students handing out their flyers. They’re all so positive and excited and full of hope, bless ’em."
Where's the death? Where's the cold, dark emptiness? Where's the non-existence of God? Personally, I thought that was the best bit.

Jo Caulfield: "Pretending To Care" - PRESS RELEASE

Fringe time already? Well that certainly came around quickly, didn't it? 
Thing is, while everyone else was panicking about their PR and publicity, I was actually busy writing my show, but apparently people want to know stuff about it – even though all the information is in the main Fringe brochure (page 109) and online (http://www.outstandingtickets.com/whats-on/78/jo_caulfield_pretending_to_care) but for some reason that’s not good enough for a bunch of lazy journalists (1), they want an actual press release. So, here’s pretty much what I’d have asked for if I’d paid someone thousands of pounds to do my PR. Read it and make a note of the stuff at the bottom – I’m off to spend the money I’ve saved on wine (2)…

 “Pretending to Care”

Award-winning comedian Jo Caulfield returns to the Fringe with “Pretending To Care” – a brand new show for 2016. (The Stand, York Place, 19:50, 5 – 28 August) 

Another year, another list of grievances… 

In a world were everyone seems to want your sympathy or support it can be hard to actually give a damn, as award-winning comedian Jo Caulfield has discovered…

From falling out with friends and fighting with strangers, to arguing with relatives and being mistaken for an exotic dancer, it’s been an eventful year and Jo Caulfield is still struggling to give a damn.

Audiences can expect razor-sharp observations and scandalous one-liners as Jo also admits to not giving a toss about pretty much anything, including the things that other people seem to think she should…

If you’ve ever wished you could tell the person who’s telling you their problems to fuck off, this is the show for you; Jo can empathise with your plight, even if she doesn’t really care about it. 

This is the important bit! 

“Pretending to Care” is on at Stand 6 (Venue 319), The Place, 34-36 York Place, from 5 – 28 August (not 15th or 22nd) at 19:50. Tickets £10 (£8 concessions). 






(1) Journalists? Don't make me laugh! They're not exactly Kate Adie, are they? Kate went to dangerous War Zones and risked her life in Bosnia. The tossers at the Festival, swanning around with their plastic lanyards and free drinks tokens, don't deserve to be called 'Journalists'.  And don't get me started on the ones who call themselves Comedy Reviewers! Fucksake. You know what? I have NEVER met a Comedy Reviewer who's made me laugh in conversation. Seriously! Never! And I've met them all. Every single one of them.

(2) Or beer. I'm not really fussy. A glass of wine with a meal, or an hour before bedtime, is fine. But if I'm out for the evening I tend to go for lager. Do you know The Central Bar at the bottom of Leith Walk? No? Oh you should give it a visit. Last time I was in there I was mistaken for a prostitute. Anyway, that's a good bar. The beer is always perfectly chilled.

Monday, July 04, 2016

Happy 4th Of July, Mr Springsteen

Over the last 7 days I've noticed several people sharing videos of Bruce Springsteen gigs where he either a) sings directly to a little kid in the audience or b) gets a little kid on stage to join him in a duet.

I have two problems with this….

1) Who takes a kid to a gig? It's a f**king gig, for christsake. When I go to see a band the last thing I'm thinking is, “I hope there’s a 5 year old child in the audience”.

A live music gig should be about subversion and hedonism and nihilism and getting wasted and getting fucked up and raw casual sex and big loud f**k off drums. 
A live gig should be Jimi Hendrix setting fire to his guitar - not singing a lullaby.
A live gig should be jumping up and down to The Ramones - not babysitting.
A live gig should be sucking off a member of the road-crew for a free t-shirt - not changing dippers.
It's not a crèche. Don't be so selfish. Take your spoiled little brat to IKEA, like any normal parent would. Just because your child ruined your life doesn't mean you should let it ruin everyone else’s.
Also, give the audience their money back. They paid to hear Bruce Springsteen, not your kid.
2) Bruce Springsteen is shite. He hasn't released a decent record since 1975. Bland Americana dross. Bruce is the Rock 'n' Roll equivalent of a Mills and Boon novel. Some of you will disagree but in this case you are completely wrong because you have no musical taste. 

Born In The USA? Bollocks.
Dancing In The Dark? Worst dance record ever. Have you never heard Chic?
The Rising? Vomit rising in my throat.
The only decent thing ‘The Boss’ ever did was give 'Because The Night' to Patti Smith.

Go and watch the video! Just look at it. 
Bruce Springsteen inviting the child onstage looks like a bad version of BBC1’s “Summertime Special”.
He should have punched that child. Or set it on fire.

When all is said and done, the fact remains - Bruce Springsteen is no Sigue Sigue Sputnik.

And f**k off Coldplay. Bland mock-sentimental soulless shite.

Why are we elevating cosiness? 
#saynotosentimentality 

Monday, May 30, 2016


THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS WRONG
2016 TOUR

“Jo Caulfield is at the top of her game. There is an acerbic intelligence underlying Caulfield’s best material that accounts for her popularity with audiences. She is one of the most consummate stand-ups in the business, and one of the most consistently funny”
Evening Standard * * * * *

Nominated as ‘Funniest Woman’ (LAFTA Awards), Jo Caulfield is regularly appears on Have I Got News For You, Mock The Week, Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow, The John Bishop Show and Fighting Talk.

SEPTEMBER

Saturday 24 … CRIEFF, Strathearn Artspace … Box Office: 01764 655556

Friday 30 … DIDCOT, Cornerstone Arts Centre … Box Office: 01235 515144

OCTOBER

Saturday 1 … BURY ST EDMUNDS, Theatre Royal … Box Office: 01284 769505

Sunday 2 … BRISTOL, The Lantern … Box Office: 0844 8871500

Thursday 6 … COLCHESTER, Colchester Arts Centre … Box Office: 01206 500900

Friday 7 … WEST TOTTON, Hanger Farm Arts … Box Office: 02380 667683

Saturday 8 … NEWTON ABBOT, Kingskerswell Parish Church … Box Office: 01803 875527

Sunday 9 … SWINDON, Swindon Arts Centre … Box Office: 01793 524481

Thursday 13 … HARROGATE, Harrogate Theatre Studio … Box Office: 01423 502116

Friday 14 … BARTON UPON HUMBER, The Ropewalk … Box Office: 01652 660380

Saturday 15 … GOOLE, Goole Junction … Box Office: 01405 763652

Sunday 16 … SOUTHPORT, Southport Comedy Festival … see jocaulfield.com for details

Friday 21 … LEICESTER, Y Theatre … Box Office: 01662 557066

Saturday 22 … NOTTINGHAM, Lakeside Arts … Box Office: 0115 8467777

Thursday 27 … SOLIHULL, The Core … Box Office: 0121 7046962

Friday 28 … HARPENDEN, Harpenden Public Hall … Box Office: 01582 767525

Sunday 30 … STURMINSTER, Sturminster Exchange … Box Office: 

NOVEMBER

Saturday 12 … SUTTON COLDFIELD, The Comedy Junction … see jocaulfield.com for details

Friday 18 … BRIDGWATER, Bridgwater Arts Centre … Box Office: 01278 422700

Saturday 19 … FROME, Merlin Theatre … Box Office: 01373 465949

Sunday 20 … DORCHESTER, Dorchester Corn Exchange … Box Office: 01305 266926

Friday 25 … SALE, Waterside Arts Centre … Box Office: 0161 9125616

Saturday 26 … PENRITH, Old Fire Station … Box Office:  01768 889444

Sunday 27 … SELBY, Selby Town Hall … Box Office: 01757 708449

DECEMBER

Friday 2 … CANTERBURY, Marlowe Theatre … Box Office: 01227 787787

Saturday 3 … DEAL, Astor Theatre … Box Office: 01304 370220

Friday 9 … TEDDINGTON, Landmark Arts Centre … Box Office: 0208 9777558

Monday, April 04, 2016

Jo Caulfield CD Recording

TUESDAY 12th APRIL
at
STAND COMEDY CLUB
5 YORK PLACE, EDINBURGH, EH1 3EB

TWO GREAT SHOWS FOR ONLY £5.00

SHOW 1
BE PART OF THE AUDIENCE AS
JO CAULFIELD RECORDS
NEW COMEDY CD.
"Award-winning Stand-Up Comedian Jo Caulfield is a total class act, and a must see for anyone who loves their comedy fresh, fierce and brilliantly crafted"
- The Times 
 DOORS OPEN: 7.00pm
SHOW STARTS: 8.00pm
Tickets: £5.00

BOX OFFICE: 0131-558-7272

SHOW 2
"THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE
UNEXPECTED" PODCAST RECORDING

The Radio Scotland Comedy Game Show
Two teams battle it out over 5 rounds.
Stupid questions = Funny answers.

TEAM 1
 KEIR McALLISTER...
 ...and GARETH WAUGH.

TEAM 2
STUART MURPHY...
 ...and RICHARD MELVIN.
"THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE UNEXPECTED"
HOSTED by JO CAULFIELD. 

YES! 2 GREAT SHOWS FOR ONLY £5.00!!

BOX OFFICE: 0131-558-7272

Book Now! Sit in the front row, fold your arms, and stare.

Sunday, February 07, 2016

CD Recording - Wednesday 10th February

WEDNESDAY 10th FEBRUARY
at
STAND COMEDY CLUB
5 YORK PLACE, EDINBURGH, EH1 3EB

TWO GREAT SHOWS FOR ONLY £5.00

BE PART OF THE AUDIENCE AS
JO CAULFIELD RECORDS
NEW COMEDY CD.
DOORS OPEN: 7.00pm
SHOW STARTS: 8.00pm
Tickets: £5.00

BOX OFFICE: 0131-558-7272
PLUS "THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UNEXPECTED" PODCAST RECORDING

The Radio Scotland Comedy Game Show
Two teams battle it out over 5 rounds.
Stupid questions = Funny answers.

TEAM 1
 ...and JOJO SUTHERLAND.

TEAM 2
 ...and KEIRON NICHOLSON.
"THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE UNEXPECTED"
HOSTED by JO CAULFIELD

Yes! TWO great shows for only £5.00!!
BOX OFFICE: 0131-558-7272
JO CAULFIELD on TWITTER
...now go home to your villages and prepare for war.