Monday, July 14, 2014

CANCEL MY SUBSCRIPTION

EDINBURGH FRINGE FESTIVAL 2014


Award-winning comedian Jo Caulfield presents a brand new EDINBURGH FESTIVAL show. 

“CANCEL MY SUBSCRIPTION” is pure stand-up comedy. There are no gimmicks - simply Jo Caulfield and her biting acerbic tongue. This is the show for anyone who has ever wanted to scream: “Please shut up - YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!” 

Audiences can expect razor-sharp observations and scandalous one-liners as Jo Caulfield shares her opinions on everything from women who always pick the wrong partner and men who continually quote gangster films, to families arguing on trains and the growth of passive-aggressive corporate friendliness.

Jo also confesses to a romantic break that almost ended in divorce, re-enacts the world’s WORST birthday party and explains why her husband could never be a serial killer.


And the show will be finished by 8.05pm so we can all go for drinks afterwards. 
Or let's ditch the show and go for drinks instead??

“Many of the points Jo Caulfield makes about the human condition would have sociologists stroking their beards in admiration, but her audiences tend to be laughing too much to notice" - The Times.

THE STAND COMEDY CLUB
5 YORK PLACE
EDINBURGH EH1 3EB

Tuesday, July 01, 2014

Abi Roberts' Musical CID

I'm a guest on "Abi Roberts' Musical CID" at the Edinburgh Festival this August.

FRIDAY 8th AUGUST - 12.30pm - GILDED BALLOON

Abi's show is all abut music and the guests favourite records/songs/videos/etc

I filled in this questionnaire for it...

What music do you first remember listening to when you were a child?

Kids TV theme tunes: especially The Double Deckers. They lived in a bus, in London. I lived in London. I wanted to live in a bus.

Josie & The Pussycats cartoon theme. I wanted to be the blonde drummer.

What was the first single/album/CD you bought?

Single: Long Haired Lover From Liverpool by Jimmy Osmond.

Album: It was either The Police, The Slits or Talking Heads. I want to say Slits, but probably The Police.

CD: I didn’t have a CD player for ages. I had 1000’s of cassettes. 1st CD was The Pretenders Greatest Hits. 

What was the song you had your first kiss to or the song that was the background music to your first date/love affair?

Please Don’t Go by KC & The Sunshine Band 

What is or was the music you get ready to for a night out? 

Groove Is In The Heart by Deee-Lite

Ride On Time by Black Box

What’s your favourite music video? 

I didn’t really watch MTV. I was into the Rockabilly scene. I played drums VERY BADLY in a Rockabilly band. We were like The Cramps. But without the songs. Or the talent.

Prince Charming by Adam & The Ants. I liked the dance routine.

Most Madonna videos - as a waitress we’d dance around to them in the restaurant.

What’s your least favourite music video?

Hello by Lionel Richie. The weird pervy bloke stalking the blind girl. There was something deeply strange about that.

Michael Jackson. All of them. I thought his dancing was ridiculous. I only liked the early Jackson 5 stuff.

What is your “guilty pleasure” music on your IPod? (what song/artist would you NOT want your mates to know you listened to?)

Don’t have any. Don’t believe in ‘guilty pleasure’. You either like it or you don’t. You wouldn’t say that about food: “Spinach is my guilty pleasure, don’t tell anyone” … or footwear: “I’m so ashamed to admit this but I like Clarks black patent leather pumps”. Makes no sense to me.

What music/songs get you in the mood or fire you up on the way to a gig (on your IPod/car stereo etc)?

Anything loud and noisy. Anything that gets the adrenaline flowing.

The Ramones.

Love Is All Around by Joan Jett. (Brilliant cover of Mary Tyler Moore TV show theme tune)

Cruel To Be Kind by Letters To Cleo. (Harder, faster version of Nick Lowe song)

If you were doing the O2 arena, what music would you walk on to? 

Mr Big Stuff by Jean Knight.

I don’t like big guitar riff’s, then a comedian coming out and saying “Hello…”. I feel let down and want the music to keep playing.

If you had to rescue just ONE album from a fire, what album would it be and what track would you play?

I’d rescue London Calling by The Clash and play Train In Vain.

Or I’d rescue everything by The Rolling Stones. Everything!

What’s your favourite lyrics in a song and in your opinion? 

“I will give you my finest hour, the one I spent watching you shower, I will give you my finest hour, oh yeah.
All I want is a photo in my wallet, a small remembrance of something more solid, all I want is a picture of you” - Picture This by Blondie.

I listen to a lot of Lou Reed and Biggie Smalls. They have great lyrics. 

If you were single and fancied someone, what 3 tracks would you put on a mix-tape for that person? 

1) If I Can’t Have You by Yvonne Elliman.

2) Every Breath You Take by The Police.

3) Stan by Eminem.

That would say: ‘I’m available and interested, with just the correct hint of threatening menace’. Reject me at your peril.

What would be your self-indulgent break-up/being dumped song?

No Regrets by Scott Walker.

Nothing Compares To You by Sinead O’Conner.

What is/has been your ‘sexy-time’ song? 

Calling it ‘sexy-time’ has put me right off!

Anything that makes me think of my husband: something by Dexys Midnight Runners or something by Joe Strummer - yeah, “Arms Aloft” by Joe Strummer.

What makes you want to get up and DANCE?

Anything by KC & The Sunshine Band.

Soul City Walking by Archie Bell & The Drells.

Free Your Mind by En Vogue.

The Temptations.

70’s funk.

What music makes you sit down/retire from the dance floor? 

Modern R & B  divas - can’t stand all the vocal gymnastics. 

Cheap tiny techno music played in most bars. Thump. Thump. Thump.

What music would you/did you have for the first dance at your wedding? 

We didn’t dance. We walked through New York holding hands.

What’s your favourite piece of classical music and why?

I don’t know anything about *real* classical music.

I’ve got a lot of experimental classic pieces by people like John Cale (Paris 1919) and Philip Glass (Koyaanisqatsi). I think they’re a bit more sound track-y?

What music do you want played at your funeral?  

A mashup of the Hancock’s Half Hour theme tune and KC & The Sunshine Band.

What is your chosen karaoke song?


Free Your Mind by En Vogue. Especially the spoken intro.

Tuesday, June 03, 2014

The Speakeasy - Tuesday 10th June

THE SPEAKEASY at The Scottish Storytelling Centre

TUESDAY 10th JUNE 

LAST SPEAKEASY OF THE SEASON
(DON'T WORRY - WE RETURN ON 14th OCTOBER)

We have another fantastic lineup of storytellers, comedians, sketches and hopefully a bit of music and a short film of Leith... with...
Jo Caulfield (Me! I'm best! Forget the others!)
Juliette Burton
Bruce Devlin
Wild Card Kitty
Jo Clifford
Loud Poets
A short Play/Sketch
A short film (maybe?)
...and someone else I can't remember.

Tickets are on sale now: 0131-556-9579

The best way to find out about The Speakeasy is to follow the our Twitter account
@SpeakeasyED

This might also interest you...?

JO CAULFIELD - "CANCEL MY SUBSCRIPTION"
EDINBURGH FESTIVAL
August 1st to August 24th
7.05pm
At The Stand Comedy Club, 5 York Place, Edinburgh EH1 3EB

This is my NEW show. You've not heard any of it. I'll be talking about the IndyRef (where does Nicola Sturgeon get her clothes? I thought C&A's closed down years ago? And what's with Joann Lamont's teeth? When she smiles it's like Stonehenge). There'll be some stuff (a lot!) about my husband and his failed attempts at D.I.Y. And I'll tell you about a dirty weekend I had in London. Basically it's jokes and stories. And probably the funniest thing you'll see in The Stand Comedy Club at 7.05pm. Probably.

By playing at The Stand Comedy Club I can keep the ticket price at £10 - which is important to me because The Fringe Festival is great but getting far too expensive. It's a real shame how the prices have spiralled out of control. And by going on a 7.05pm we can all go for a drink afterwards...and that's the main thing, isn't it? I'm thinking we all hit the Bow Bar. Or The Jolly Judge. Or Mathers if the footballs on. Mind you, I quite like The Lioness of Leith. Or The Central! Come on, who doesn't love The Central? Play your cards right and we could all end up in the Port O' Leith. That's probably my favourite Saturday night destination. Last time I was in the Port O' Leith a strange man sold me a leather belt for £3.00. If you've never been, you should definitely give it a visit. It's like being on ecstasy without actually being on ecstasy. Yeah, let's do that. Let's all go there. In fact let's not waste any time, let's go tonight! 

Oh yeah, sorry, my show.... here's the link: 

The show is called "Cancel My Subscription"
Quite apt really.

If you've read this far I can tell you the important bit: My Edinburgh Fringe Festival show helps finance The Speakeasy. That's how I can keep the Speakeasy ticket price at £6.00. 
Anyway... Two of my Fringe Festival shows (Monday 4th August and Tuesday 5th August) will be at a super-low price. Tickets are 2-for-1 .... and on sale NOW. 
I'd rather the Speakeasy regulars on the mailing list got first chance to grab these. So that's a win-win situation. You all save money and support the up-keep of The Speakeasy. And then we all get hammered at the Port O' Leith.
Love ya

Jo x


Friday, May 30, 2014

Advice For Edinburgh Virgins...

The Edinburgh Festival is only 63 days away. Broadway Baby asked me to write an article and maybe give some advice... so, here goes...

"ADVICE FOR EDINBURGH VIRGINS"

Roll up! Roll up! Roll up! It’s the biggest show in town.

The smart money is on Brazil but I’m going with Argentina because they have an easier route to the final. Stick down Lionel Messi as top goalscorer and a £5.00 double could bring you £244. And that little windfall will be much needed when the money-grabbing Edinburgh Fringe Festival kicks off two and a half weeks later.

So, what should you buy with your winnings? Well, it’s Edinburgh in August so I’d suggest a pair of flip-flops and an umbrella. Or some suntan lotion and a waterproof jacket. 

Or you could come and see me 24 times at The Stand Comedy Club and still have a pocketful of loose change. Why not enter into the real spirit of The Fringe and give your loose change to one of the human statues that’ll be cluttering up the Royal Mile in the name of Art? I’ll admit I don’t know much about Art but I do know a 1st year drama student spray-painted silver is less an expression of alienation in modern Britain, and more the actions of a complete tosser who should get a proper job. I’m sure their parents are very proud.

Yes, you’ve got to love the Festival!

Anyway, here’s some advice for Festival Virgins…

1) Before my very first Edinburgh (way back in 1907) I was given this piece of advice about preview shows. You should never do more than 5 or 6 of them. I can’t remember who told me, it was either Adam Bloom or Andy Parsons (*) but the reason behind it was: it’s better to keep your material fresh and exciting for yourself. The last thing you want to do is arrive in Edinburgh with an hour long show you’ve become bored of performing.
(*) Or maybe it was Jeff Green. It was either him or I read it somewhere. No, now I come to think about it I’m pretty sure it was Adam Bloom. Or Andy Parsons. Or Jeff Green. Or I read it somewhere.

2) Have fun doing your show. It’s a great experience. It’s YOUR audience. Don’t get wrapped up in the politics, don’t get wrapped up in the bullshit. Enjoy performing YOUR show every night.

3) Don’t read your reviews. Leave that until the end of the Festival. Have a trusted friend read them for you and have them pull out any good quotes you might be able to use in advertising your show. (This does not include Broadway Baby obviously. Broadway Baby is the Hunter S. Thompson of comedy reviews. In that all the staff are on drugs and they all deserve a good kicking from some Hells Angels.)

A quick word about advertising your show: when it comes to advertising I'm as confused as the next person. When I first came to the Festival (way back in 1856) I was told that the return on a leaflet was three out of the hundred. Give out 100 flyers you get 3 punters. Give out 1000 flyers you get 30 people. This is my 12th year and I’m genuinely embarrassed to think how many trees have been cut down to publicise my shows.
As for posters; I was told a passerby needs to see an image 19 times before it makes any impact of consciousness. I’ve no idea who told me that either.
Can you see a common theme here? People tell me things, I can never remember who, but I take it as a fact. Maybe a therapist would trace it back to my Uncle George - “Go on, just let me put it in a little bit. I promise it won’t hurt”.

4) Don’t read anyone else’s reviews. Don’t take pleasure from the misfortunes of others. I don’t understand performers who waste energy reading and gloating about other shows when their time would be better spent concentrating on making their own hour better/stronger/funnier. The healthy attitude is “you’re not in competition with anyone else. You’re only in competition with yourself”.

5) Listen to your audience. If they laugh, it’s funny. If they don’t laugh, rewrite the joke. You don’t need a trainee journalist to tell you that.

6) Stay away from jokes about Celtic / Rangers / Catholics / Protestants. That subject has been wonderfully covered by Scottish comedians who actually know what they’re talking about. The same goes for deep-fried Mars bars, David Bowie’s comments about Scottish Independence, anything to do with Trainspotting and pandas being more popular than Conservatives. This advice is primarily aimed at edgy Australian comics. 

7) Don’t forget to enjoy the city itself. Edinburgh is an incredibly beautiful, picturesque, historic city. It’s full of great bars and great restaurants. Take a walk down to Leith. Take a bus out to Portobello. Take advantage of the fact that you’re going to spend a whole month in such an amazing place.
Try The Bow Bar (80 West Bow) if you like real ales, or Mathers (top of Broughton Street) if you want to watch football. Try The Jolly Judge (James Court) if you want a relaxing drink, or The Port O’ Leith (Constitution Street) if you want to relive your acid-house days. Try CC Blooms (Greenside Place) if you like cock, or The New Town Bar (Dublin Street) if you like upmarket cock. Or visit any bar in Morningside if you enjoyed Doug McClure in The Land That Time Forgot.

8) Forgot to pack something? Don’t worry. You’ll find everything you need at The Edinburgh Bargain Store on Clerk Street. If you need some sellotape, a new notebook, a badly framed photo of Madonna or a bottle of grape flavoured Snapple - this is the place to go. They sell anything and everything. It really is an Aladdin’s Cave of useful junk.

9) Run out of flyer/posters? Pace Print (19 South Clerk Street) will knock more out for you. Tip: bring a digital image of your leaflet/poster with you to Edinburgh on a memory stick. I wish I’d known that when I first came to the Festival (way back in 1814).

10) Run out of money? Cash Converters (21 South Clerk Street) will give you £20 for your soul.

And finally…. please, please, please… take any flyer that’s handed to you. Standing on a street corner, handing them out all day long is a thankless task. Treat each flyer as if it’s your own. Take it and drop it off wherever you’re going. Be it a bar, a coffee shop or another venue. You never know, someone else may pick up and go to the show.

It’s Karma Baby.

In my next column I’ll be suggesting some shows you should go and see. I’ll also be suggesting some shows you shouldn’t go and see. (Are Neil and Christine Hamilton back in town?) 

Published 29/05/2014

JO CAULFIELD - “CANCEL MY SUBSCRIPTION”




Venue: The Stand Comedy Club, 5 York Place, Edinburgh EH1 3EB

Time: 7.05pm

Dates: 1st August to 24th August (not 11th)

Website: www.jocaulfield.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Jo_Caulfield

EdFringe Link: https://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/jo-caulfield-cancel-my-subscription 

Stand Comedy Club Box Office: 0131-558-7272

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

GBU Wednesday 23rd April

"THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE UNEXPECTED"

WEDNESDAY 23rd APRIL

AT THE STAND COMEDY CLUB
5 YORK PLACE, EDINBURGH EH1 3EB
              
Jo Caulfield and Richard Melvin plus SPECIAL GUESTS take part in a hilarious (and ridiculous!) comedy game show.
  
Featuring stars of: Mock The Week, Have I Got News For You, Michael McIntyre's Comedy Roadshow, The Now Show and The News Quiz.

JO CAULFIELD and GRANT STOTT
V's
ROBIN GRAINGER and JOJO SUTHERLAND

MC RICHARD MELVIN

(Grant Stott! Grant Stott!! Yes, him from Forth One Radio and the King's Theatre pantomimes!!!)

DOORS OPEN: 7.30pm
SHOW STARTS: 8.30pm
TICKETS: £5.00
BOX OFFICE: 0131 558 7272

DOWNLOAD PREVIOUS EPISODES OF "THE 
GOOD, THE BAD & THE UNEXPECTED" HERE
JO CAULFIELD
GRANT STOTT
ROBIN GRAINGER
JOJO SUTHERLAND

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Glasgow Comedy Festival Monday 31st March

GLASGOW COMEDY FESTIVAL
MONDAY 31st MARCH

AT THE STAND COMEDY CLUB
333 WOODLANDS ROAD, GLASGOW

"THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE UNEXPECTED"
              
Jo Caulfield, Richard Melvin and Julia Sutherland plus SPECIAL GUESTS take part in a hilarious (and ridiculous!) comedy game show.
  
Featuring stars of: Mock The Week, Have I Got News For You, Michael McIntyre's Comedy Roadshow, Rab C. Nesbitt, Still Game, The Now Show and The News Quiz.

V's


DOORS OPEN: 9.15pm
SHOW STARTS: 9.30pm
TICKETS: £7/6.00 concs
BOX OFFICE: 0844 355 8879

DOWNLOAD PREVIOUS EPISODES OF "THE 
GOOD, THE BAD & THE UNEXPECTED" HERE

 MARK NELSON
 JO CAULFIELD
 BRUCE MORTON
 JULIA SUTHERLAND
MITCH BENN

DOWNLOAD PREVIOUS EPISODES OF "THE 
GOOD, THE BAD & THE UNEXPECTED" HERE

Monday, March 24, 2014

Good, Bad & Ugly Interview

The Stand Comedy Club asked me some questions about “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly” show we're doing at The Glasgow Comedy Festival on Monday 31st March.

The show features me, Mark Nelson, Bruce Morton, Julia Sutherland plus a *SPECIAL GUEST* (All people you've seen on Mock The Week, Have I Got News For You, Michael McIntyre's Comedy Roadshow, Rab C. Nesbitt, Still Game, The Now Show and The News Quiz.)...anyway...

When you're given a list of your forthcoming shows and you see that The Stand is included in that list, what do you think?

Hmm. Interesting. You’re starting an interview with ME by talking about YOU? OK, let’s talk about The Stand, but you really should look up the term "narcissistic personality disorder" in a medical dictionary…

What's your take on each of the 3 Stand clubs, both the clubs themselves and the audiences at each?

Every comedian knows the Stand Comedy Clubs are three of the best comedy clubs in Britain. The staff understand comedy, the audiences understand comedy, the rooms are laid out with comedy in mind. If someone was setting up a new club the Stand would be the perfect blue print of how to do it. Are you happy now?

Do you need to adapt your act in any way for each club, or does the city/venue not affect what you do?

I never adapt my act because (a) I'm not clever enough to do that, and (b) it would be insulting and patronising to the audience.

I don’t subscribe to the theory that different towns like different styles of comedy. For example: what is the Glaswegian sense of humour? Is it Billy Connolly or is it David Keay? Is it Chick Murray or is it Jerry Sadowitz? Is it Janey Goodly or is it Susan Calman?

Turns out it’s all of them. Audiences in Glasgow just want to see good comedians and laugh. The same goes for Edinburgh and Newcastle. And Portsmouth, and Liverpool and every other town in Britain. Except for Newbury. They don't like to laugh in Newbury. I know that because I've played there twice. Never again.

What made you want to do a monthly show at The Stand in Edinburgh, was it just practical reasons, the feel of the room itself, or the type of crowd that it attracts was best suited to this sort of show?

It’s 10 minutes walk from my house. What? Oh sorry. I mean, the audiences in Edinburgh are intelligent and sophisticated.

We recognise that you work very hard on the show, both on its component parts and booking appropriate guests to appear on it, so could you overlook that and sum it up for us in an easily digestible soundbite?

“The Good, The Bad and The Ugly” is the ultimate live comedians panel-show. Four comedians onstage, working off each others lines. No-one is censored, no-one is sober.

You’ve done TV panel shows and will no doubt have read the criticisms by some about their competitive nature, and how they’ve affected the live comedy scene and people expectations when they come to a live show.  Did you have this in mind when devising a panel show that seems less about each act trying to crowbar in their material?

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly” is definitely less combative. Before the Glasgow Comedy Festival show Mark Nelson, Bruce Morton and our *special guest* will be backstage doing each others hair and swapping knitting patterns, I’ll be decanting the sherry and host Julia Sutherland will be taking up the hem of her miniskirt.

I wanted the show to be fun for the comedians and audience alike. It’s relaxed enough that the comics can make off-the-cuff remarks, but they’re still very much on the ball and chasing laughs. Often at each others expense.

If someone has seen the show before, how will the Glasgow show compare to those?

The Glasgow Comedy Festival show will be more feisty. We’ve got local lad Mark Nelson and comedy-legend Bruce Morton on the bill, along with a *special* guest we can’t name. The questions will definitely have more of a “57th most liveable city in the world” slant. And I wouldn’t be surprised if the Commonwealth Games gets a mention.

The last Good, Bad and Ugly show in Edinburgh is available for download on itunes, will forthcoming shows be available to download not long after the live show? 

Yes - the show will be recorded and the podcast should be out a couple of days later. Why not come to the show, laugh loudly, download the podcast, then try and identify your own laughter?

When you moved to Edinburgh a few years ago, you could easily have settled into a role of big fish in a small pond, the comedian from the telly than can move from headline gig to headline gig doing the same commercial material, but you’ve gone in the opposite direction. Are you averse to resting on your laurels and feel compelled to keep evolving and developing your comedy?

Wow. I wish I had some laurels to rest upon.

I’m always working on new material. I know some comics are happy to perform the same routines for several years, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I get more excited when I’m trying something new.

I have a rule for new material: If I try a new joke three times and it doesn't get a laugh - I throw the audience away.

What prompted you to form the Edinburgh Comedy Collective, and to use this show as a platform to allow local acts the chance to try new things that they’d never get the opportunity to do so elsewhere? 

The good news is, there’s a lot of really talented comics in Scotland. The not so good news is, most of the Scottish gigs tend to be on a Friday or Saturday night, so the comics are under pressure to deliver their A-list material and they don’t get a chance to try out new ideas.
The Comedy Collective is the complete opposite. The idea was to provide a platform where the comics could be more free and experiment with new material, new characters or sketches. No-one is going to judge them. It’s a comics playground, and everyone knows if a comic is having fun on-stage the audience will have even better fun. 
It gives everyone involved a deadline to work to. For every show they need to write 5 or 6 minutes of new material. Last month I wrote a new piece purely for the Comedy Collective, three days later I did it on TV. That was invaluable. 

Can you cherry pick any stand-out moments from previous Comedy Collective shows, and are there any emerging acts you can recommend to those reading this simply because they recognise your name?

Too many to mention. But… Crime writer Ian Rankin turning his hand to standup was exciting to see. Comedians Ben Verth and Jim Park, in character as tour guides, leading the audience on a guided tour round the Stand Comedy Club was just as funny and ridiculous as it sounds. Keir McAllister, Gareth Waugh and Robin Grainger always turn up with new material that never fails to kill on the night, and more times than not, goes straight into their sets. And recently seeing Andrew Learmonth, having what can only be described as an “onstage mental breakdown”, was compulsive viewing.

As for newer comics, along with Gareth Waugh and Robin Grainger, I really like Eleanor Morton. I’d recommend going to see them. But only if I’m not doing a show at the same time. In that case, fuck all three of them, come see me. 

I see you as the renaissance woman of British comedy, as well as this show you do your own solo tour shows, you compere, you have your Speakeasy storytelling show, you do TV and radio, you’ve done theatre, and you have a fascinating comedy blog.  Are there things that you’ve never done that you’d like to try? 

Yes - I am the renaissance woman of British comedy, because I’m fluent in Latin and date back to the 14th century.

I’m happy doing anything that excites me. I’ve acted in sitcoms and plays, spent years writing for other comics and chat shows, and now I’m involved in a sitcom for Radio Scotland.

Fingers crossed it turns out better than my last experience. Last year I was commissioned to write a sitcom based on my life. I handed in the script and the producer said, “It’s very funny, the supporting cast are great but the lead character is very unlikeable”.  It took me a couple of minutes before I realised he was talking about me!

There’s a couple of things I’d like to try: I’ve never done anal. I’m working on a play. I’d like to find a good moisturiser. I‘d be interested in meeting Julia Sutherland’s fashion advisor. And I know it sounds crazy but I’d also like to work with animals and children, as long as no animals or children are involved.

Both Scotland and The Stand are immersed in the independence referendum debate. Being as you live in Edinburgh, do you feel that you need to work it into your act? If so, what approach do you take?

I don’t feel that I “have” to talk about the independence referendum. It’s more a case that I “want” to talk about the independence referendum. Having watched the recent Nicola Sturgeon/Johann Lamont debate I’ll probably be approaching it from the “Scotland needs better dentists” angle.

A lot of people will see you as 'that funny person' but we're wondering if you have an interest, passion or hobby that will surprise people, making them think 'I never expected that’?

Gardening. I’ve recently got into gardening in a big way. There’s someone about getting grass stains on my hands and knees that reminds me of my youth.

Planting flowers is a lot like writing jokes. You spend a lot of time caring for them and nurturing them, but eventually they’re going to die. Sorry, did I say “writing jokes”? I did of course mean, “visiting your grandparents”.

Our clubs attract a different sort of clientele during the festive period, and also during Glasgow Comedy Festival and Edinburgh Fringe, do you find it a different experience playing 'off peak' in front of a 'real' crowd?  

Ooh! Get you with your “clientele”. That’s a fancy word. You’ll be serving pâté and going grouse-shooting next.

The way I look at it is: All audiences are the same - lucky to have me. 

Playing a comedy club gives you a short sharp jolt of excitement. You can practically feel the adrenaline pumping through your veins. You’re competing against the other comics, audience conversations, people ordering drinks, etc so you have a limited amount of time to get to the joke. With a Glasgow Comedy Festival or Edinburgh Fringe show (or a tour show) the audiences are more invested in you, so you can take a bit longer to get to the joke and go into more detail. 


Barry Crier once gave me some invaluable advice about being a comedian. I asked him, “Is there a difference between playing a comedy club and playing a theatre?”, he gave it some thought and then said, “Who are you? And how did you get into my bathroom?” I think that proves what an absolute comedy legend he is.

"The Good, The Bad and The Ugly" - Monday 31st March 
The Stand Comedy Club, 333 Woodlands Road, 
Glasgow G3 6NG

Box Office: 0844 335 8879
Tickets: £7.00